Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity.”
~ Ephesians 4:26-27
I hope to uproot a weed of foolish fighting here and sow a seed of wiser love.
When married couples are continually pointing the finger at each other and continually finding fault with one another this ends up leading them down a painful path of unforgiveness, bitterness and often rage. A path that will end you up nowhere good and in deeper hurt and further separation from the one you once professed and committed your love to.
For any healing to take place it will require you take the path of God’s forgiveness that will put the two of you back together on that same road of love again.
First thing to know my married friends is that no one is perfect.
No one gets it right all the time. We all make mistakes sometimes. Even the greatest NBA and NFL players of all time have dropped the ball. One of the keys to a successful marriage is being able to shake mistakes off and get back in the game. Now I’m not meaning to cheapen our marital Love down to a game but merely trying to say that we have to be “In It To Win It” when it comes to our marital covenants and families.
The second thing to know is that Real Love Truly Keeps No Record of Wrongs.
“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” ~1st Corinthians 13:5
The Love that we as Christian spouses are seeking to obtain has to learn us how to look past our partners imperfections and to keep Our Love and Respect on for one another through the thick and the thin. We should seek to wash over one another’s failings and continually keep focusing on each others good qualities, calling out the gold we see in one another .
We can not continue to grow in our marriage and in our love one for another if we are still holding on to any of yesterday’s hurts, failures and incompetence.
That brings me to number three. Make it a practice to not let any of today’s negativity enter into tomorrow with you. Only take the good with you into each new day and let all the bad go down with the sun each evening.
If we are still punishing our spouse today for what they did or said to us yesterday we have stagnated the river that God desires our love for one another to be today.
Now, I know that much of this may sound easier said than done and if you find your own marriage in one of these “Stronghold Cycles” of fault finding, name calling and blaming. If you were like many who were once in love but now due to a lack of good, healthy conflict resolution you find yourselves being pushed further and further away from one another. Let me suggest you try today, being grateful for something good you can still find about your spouse. No matter how small of a trait or beauty in their character
Find something that you can still love about one another.
Try encouraging, watering and cultivating that good in them. It’s amazing how much negative stuff just seems to dissolve away when we focus on the good we see in each other.
And if it is way past that point unto where neither of you can even see anything good anymore and if you both need to talk it out with someone else in the room. If there are issues that you need to confess or get before a mediator with, so that the conversation can stay peaceful and productive, instead of hurtful and pointless, seeking such counsel would be encouraged. Perhaps weekly, bi weekly or even monthly depending on how severe these disputes and inability to communicate have become.
Often times, before we can move along and learn how to live each new day with a clean slate we may first need to clear the old one. Getting a better and clearer understanding of how we have hurt and been hurt can help us to genuinely forgive. .
All a part of maturing, growing and healing.
Number Four. Be a good steward of the love God has given you and your spouse and if your heart has been broken or if your spouses heart has been broken. Make it your desire today (before the sun goes down) with God’s help to hear each other’s wounded hearts… Listen, with a sincere desire to see them mended and not to shatter them anymore than what they already have been.
And number five, cease now from all of this foolish fighting and yield one unto another to a love more wisely.
A love more patient, understanding, caring and kind.
Listen, if you are presently in a troubled relationship. There are reasons you are not at peace with one another. That needs to be established. There are words, wounds, resentments and things you are harboring and bitter about. Those are the things that have been hurting your marriage and I would never suggest repressing or ignoring them or just trying to forget all about them.
You have to allow one another to confess and say why they are hurt, angry and disappointed and you have to let each other speak… without interrupting, getting angry or defending oneself.
YOU HAVE TO LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART.
Then after you have established a better understanding of clearly what it is that hurts each other and have made a loving and intentional commitment to modify yourselves so as to not continually hurt each other in these ways anymore.
The Two of you in this marriage covenant then need to continue this practice of hearing and responding to one another in a loving and kind manner. It’s essential to keeping a clean slate of genuine love and forgiveness (daily) and it is of the up most importance to maintain a healthy, good and happy maturing marriage.
Lastly, but most importantly, as Christian Spouses we should always be seeking The Heart of God to help us correct ourselves in order to be more sensitive of what it is our spouses are really needing from us.
For an example, if your wife wants you to help more with the kids in the evening, then you should seek to be more of that help to her. If your husband want’s more time with you but you always seem to be busy, you should seek to schedule him in more often. Through observation, real interest and communication you both should always be looking for new and creative ways to be helpful to each other.
Although, the scenario’s and circumstances in marriages may differ. What is important is that at the heart of every matter there is a willingness to change and submit ourselves one unto another. A want and desire to get better understanding of where it is your spouse needs you to be for them and then the willingness to submit ourselves and be there.
You can start this kind of life long continuing dialogue over dinner or coffee even tonight. Just simply look over at your spouse and genuinely ask them from your willing heart.
“Where do you need me to be?”
This is what makes God’s Love operating in and through us so perfect.
His Love for us and our marriages overcomes all that evil accusative stuff that comes and tries to divide us.
God’s Love has an amazing way of removing these obstacles from our path.
Love forgives yesterday’s mistakes, putting those things behind us and ultimately God’s love helps us to find the joy in doing this life better together with each new passing day.
Ladies, determine today to crush the head of the oppressor with your heel. Command Satan off your marriage and out of your home and commit to God, your spouse and children.
Tell the Lord that from this day fourth you will no longer be listening to these “home wrecking devils” but rather from this day fourth you will be committed to listening, learning and practicing God’s ways of understanding, forgiveness, wisdom, servitude and love toward your spouse.
And men, likewise take your spiritual authority over your home, commit to God your spouse and children and seek out what is important to your wives. Determine from this day fourth to serve her in what is important to her and make it your business to find out what that is and to love and serve your wife in any of the ways she needs your love and servitude.
My sound biblical advice to all married couples is to always love and serve one another…
This is the way.
No more destructive foolish Fighting.
From now on, only the watering, nurturing and growing of a wiser love.
This will beget a healthier home on all fronts.
This is my prayer for all Marriages right now….
“Father, Bless our marriages, families and homes, right now with greater peace, love and understanding and give us all that Joy that is our strength to rise up in genuine servitude and love one for another in Jesus your unfailing love and name… Amen.”
In His Love, Pastor Scott Boggs
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